Keeping it together
So my game plan is to keep it together. Keep going with life as normal, except when interrupted by chemo, or doctors, or any other Genghis s**t. But it’s hard. This morning, for example, I’m exhausted. I’ve woken up feeling almost as tired as when I went to bed. So the kids are playing up and I’m lying in bed trying to ignore them rather than dealing with them. Hardly keeping it together. My standards are definitely slipping.
Yet I’m called on to keep it together for the sake of others. My beautiful girl has been sad about the whole situation recently and her being sad makes me sad. But I need to keep it together for her. The girl who runs the nail bar round the corner (I was her first client when she opened) burst into tears on me in the street yesterday when I told her what has been going on, and told me her heart was breaking. I ended up comforting her. Keeping it (and her) together. A virtual stranger.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I want to fall to pieces. I just don’t want to have to be so conscious of the thing the whole time. I am fed up to the back teeth of talking about being ill or about things to do with being ill. I want to have a conversation that has nothing to do with it. That is why work is a blessed relief. It’s just ironic that work makes me so tired, and therefore makes it that bit harder to keep it together. Ha.