Reconnecting – postscript
Life is too weird. I’ve only just posted my previous entry. One of my school friends who I mentioned messaged me to say she lives on the same road as one of the work friends I mentioned. No way!!!!
Reconnecting
Every day I wake up wishing I could be facing a different reality. Some mornings I get half way to the bathroom before I remember. Most days it hits me immediately, and I reach to feel Genghis and check that it hasn’t magically shrunk overnight or, worse still, grown. The reconnection to the reality of…
DetailsPrayers
At the start of this week I, along with my family and friends and indeed many strangers who are following my progress, were praying for a good result from my scan. I had the scan a week ago, last Friday evening. I had imagined that this would mean me spending the weekend in fear, frozen,…
DetailsWorld Cancer Day
Today is World Cancer Day and Cancer Research UK are using this as a fundraising drive. Research is vital for both current and future cancer patients. This morning I heard about a new vaccine being trialled in the US for triple negative breast cancer. That’s just amazing! It made me cry. So to all my…
DetailsIt’s not fair
I’ve really tried to avoid thinking about what’s fair and what’s not since my original diagnosis back in June. I’m a big enough girl to know that life isn’t fair and whinging about it doesn’t help and doesn’t achieve anything. But this morning I’ve been hit with a real dose of the blues. I feel…
DetailsThe best possible version
Elliot and I often talk with Tali about being the best possible version of herself. As she is only just 7, this is probably a bit hard for her to understand. What we mean is that there are times when she is amazing – mature, kind, empathetic, questioning, interested, sensitive, calm – and times when…
DetailsBig shout out to…
Here are the people in my thoughts and prayers today. Penny Hampson. Please keep fighting, beautiful lady. Jojo Gingerhead. Fingers crossed for you at the Marsden today. Louise Nicholson. Let’s hold hands virtually, and weather the SEs together. Sarah Perry. Because you rock, dude! Andrea and Cinzia. Just because I love you. Jo Fine. Always…
DetailsAccepting help, rejecting scepticism
I’ve never been all that good at accepting help. My dad delights in frequently retelling anyone he can (hi Dad – I know you’ll be reading this!) that, aged 2, I got out of my buggy, went round behind it and insisted “Roro push”. Even at that tender age, I wanted to be doing the…
DetailsAngels
I am sitting hooked up to the “chemo machine” – the pump that delivers my drugs directly into my veins via Cath (my portacath). The noise of the pump will be one that haunts me, rather like the noise of the foetal heart monitor during pregnancy check ups, but – for obvious reasons – less…
Details‘Fessing up
This morning I ‘fessed up to the kids about the recent developments. I thought it was going to be awful but in the end it wasn’t. They provided us with the perfect opportunity – they both woke up early-ish but after a good sleep, they were relaxed and they were in our bedroom playing on…
DetailsBad luck
I’ve been thinking about bad luck a lot in the last couple of days. I’m not particularly superstitious, so I don’t really believe in “luck” as such, but I do seem to be suffering from quite a lot of bad luck at the moment. This train of thought kicked off primarily because of conversations about…
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